


Recovery is Fucking Hard

by nasiragron



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Rule 63, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2013-07-23
Packaged: 2017-12-21 02:46:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/894883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nasiragron/pseuds/nasiragron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Let me help?" Enjolras asked gently, her voice full of care - a startling contrast from the frustrated and angry tone from this morning.<br/>"Enjolras, I don't need help. I just-"<br/>"Please."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Recovery is Fucking Hard

**Author's Note:**

> warning for description of self harm

She dragged the blade across her skin, leaving a trail of red behind; the captivating red lines grew with each passing moment, creating a morbid piece of art on her arm. She didn't feel anything as she watched the smooth, sharp metal cut her skin until she put down the blade and looked up at herself in the bathroom mirror, seeing the tears in her bloodshot eyes, feeling the cuts burn.

Then the lock clicked on the apartment door. "Grantaire? Are you home?"

"Fuck," Grantaire hissed, gritting her teeth. Her girlfriend wasn't supposed to be home for another two hours and that would've been enough time to clean up, get drunk in a bar, and crash at Bahorel's for the night.

She scrambled to hide the blade and wash off the blood but in her haste she dug the blade into her palm. "Shit!"

"I brought take out. And I wanted to- What happened?"

Grantaire shrugged, wiping her eyes and forcing a smile. She couldn't look Enjolras in the eye; she didn't know what she'd see there - hate, disgust, pity... "Eh, it's just a scratch. A BandAid and some Neosporin and it'll be good as new."

"Let me help?" Enjolras asked gently, her voice full of care - a startling contrast from the frustrated and angry tone from this morning.

"Enjolras, I don't need help. I just-"

"Please."

Glancing up, Grantaire saw something unexpected on her girlfriend's face: borderline desperation, and she nodded, watching Enjolras carefully.

Quietly, she said, "I'm sorry."

"But why-"

"I-I used to c- do this a lot but then I started drinking."

"Oh Grantaire." Enjolras finished bandaging her arm then pressed her lips to her palm, eliciting a quiet moan from the brunette.

"What-"

"I wanted to apologize for my actions this morning, and I regret what I said to you. I don't know why you did this, but if I had anything to do with it, I am truly sorry."

"It's not your fault I can barely function without turning to fucking alcohol. I mean I should be able to get through a week without drinking or cutting." A harsh smirk spread across her face. "And don't flatter yourself. It's not your fault I did this."

Enjolras flinched. "I didn't mean-" She cut herself off and sighed. "I spoke to Combeferre this morning. He's concerned about your addiction-"

"Well I don't fucking need his concern, or yours, okay?"

"We only want you to talk to us! I love you; I care for you a lot more than I ever imagined I would. I do not want you to shut me out of your life. Please Grantaire."

"You can't save me, you know."

"I'm not trying to. I'm only trying to show that you have someone to rely on if you need it, and-"

After a few seconds of staring at each other, Enjolras broke the silence. "Romance and emotions are still quite new to me, and I sometimes can have difficulty conveying my thoughts-"

"Oh really? I'm pretty sure I've figured that out by now."

Enjolras rolled her eyes, but Grantaire caught the slight curl of the corner of her mouth, and knew her well enough to pick up on that particular form of affection.

"Grantaire, what I'm trying to say is," she began slowly, choosing her words carefully, "even though I am aware it doesn't change what you're struggling with, I will stay by your side as long as you'd like."

A small, uncharacteristically shy smile formed on Grantaire's lips. "You do realize I may never want you to leave then?"

Returning her smile, Enjolras replied, "I do."

Grantaire licked her lips before softly mumbling, "Thank you."

Enjolras said nothing in reply, but pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and wrapped her arms around her, holding Grantaire close.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this when i was trying not to self harm, and it was therapeutic. it felt good to be writing and pouring my feelings into these characters i adore. that being said, there's possibly a few pieces of me in this, so please comment if they were ooc. i'm hoping to grow as a writer, and comments aid in the process. thanks, and i hope you enjoyed this fic. :)


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